So anyway, i was thinking about forgiveness (not in the religious context) and was wondering if any of us are truly capable of forgiving. This picture and several conversations with my girls later, it got me thinking...do we ask for forgiveness from the people we've wronged to make them feel better, or to make ourselves feel better?
Although i know its a little of both, i think it leans more towards making oneself feel better. When you've been wronged, and the person who wronged you says "I'm sorry.", you don't forgive immediately. I don't think anyone is capable of that. Its more of a conscious effort to forget about it, or to not bring it up again, or to pretend it never happened? Denial?
I'm quite confused about the whole thing. When you say you're sorry, and the person you've wronged feels like crap, i think its more aimed at making the person forgive you, so that you can feel better about yourself rather than making the person feel better. One too many times have i heard, "I've already said I'm sorry. What else do you want me to do?". Like AS IF that five-lettered word is going to magically turn everything into rainbows and butterflies. Oh please, for crying out loud, You never bloody know how a person feels until you consider things from his point of view- until you climb into his skin and walk around in it..
Thats the thing...after the damage is done, asking for forgiveness is selfish. At least in my opinion. "I'm sorry" is different from "Please forgive me". "I'm sorry" expresses regret at what the person did. "Please forgive me" just SCREAMS "Please excuse my actions so that i can stop feeling guilty".
So maybe "I'm sorry" is o.k., but i don't think you should take it as a given that if the person you're apologising to says "o.k.", it means that they've forgiven you because it might be FAR from that.
However, does it really work in the long run? You know how sometimes "Sorry" just doesn't cut it. No matter how many times the person begs and pleads. Most of the time you just say "O.K." to put them out of their misery and to ease their guilt a little, but you still end up feeling like crap. The damage has already been done, and sometimes its REALLY a little hard to see how a "sorry" can reverse the misery of it all.
Before our minds start going way off tangent, just to clarify, I'm talking about big major issues like "I'm sorry you caught me in bed with her. Please forgive me!!!!" and not petty things like "I'm sorry i lost your pen/stepped on your toes".
So I'm wondering, how does one go about truly forgiving another person and going back to the way things were? I don't think its anywhere close to possible...because eventually somewhere down the line, its going to come to a point where you point the finger and go " you did xxx, you #%!$%!% ". Human beings are selfish creatures. Period. Yes, we do have our occasional Princess Di and Mother Theresa's but that's besides the point. We all think about ourselves before anyone else. The sun shines out of our own arses (pardon me) as far as we're concerned.
I'm kinda sceptical about this- the whole forgiveness thing. But i suppose there has to be some form of forgiving going around, despite the superficiality, and a conscious effort on the part of the forgiver to push away thoughts of the error, and to consciously not bring it up again. Even if it does help your present case.
Bottom line.. i think people forgive but they never forget. Which eventually boils down to not forgiving. You reckon?
Although i know its a little of both, i think it leans more towards making oneself feel better. When you've been wronged, and the person who wronged you says "I'm sorry.", you don't forgive immediately. I don't think anyone is capable of that. Its more of a conscious effort to forget about it, or to not bring it up again, or to pretend it never happened? Denial?
I'm quite confused about the whole thing. When you say you're sorry, and the person you've wronged feels like crap, i think its more aimed at making the person forgive you, so that you can feel better about yourself rather than making the person feel better. One too many times have i heard, "I've already said I'm sorry. What else do you want me to do?". Like AS IF that five-lettered word is going to magically turn everything into rainbows and butterflies. Oh please, for crying out loud, You never bloody know how a person feels until you consider things from his point of view- until you climb into his skin and walk around in it..
Thats the thing...after the damage is done, asking for forgiveness is selfish. At least in my opinion. "I'm sorry" is different from "Please forgive me". "I'm sorry" expresses regret at what the person did. "Please forgive me" just SCREAMS "Please excuse my actions so that i can stop feeling guilty".
So maybe "I'm sorry" is o.k., but i don't think you should take it as a given that if the person you're apologising to says "o.k.", it means that they've forgiven you because it might be FAR from that.
However, does it really work in the long run? You know how sometimes "Sorry" just doesn't cut it. No matter how many times the person begs and pleads. Most of the time you just say "O.K." to put them out of their misery and to ease their guilt a little, but you still end up feeling like crap. The damage has already been done, and sometimes its REALLY a little hard to see how a "sorry" can reverse the misery of it all.
Before our minds start going way off tangent, just to clarify, I'm talking about big major issues like "I'm sorry you caught me in bed with her. Please forgive me!!!!" and not petty things like "I'm sorry i lost your pen/stepped on your toes".
So I'm wondering, how does one go about truly forgiving another person and going back to the way things were? I don't think its anywhere close to possible...because eventually somewhere down the line, its going to come to a point where you point the finger and go " you did xxx, you #%!$%!% ". Human beings are selfish creatures. Period. Yes, we do have our occasional Princess Di and Mother Theresa's but that's besides the point. We all think about ourselves before anyone else. The sun shines out of our own arses (pardon me) as far as we're concerned.
I'm kinda sceptical about this- the whole forgiveness thing. But i suppose there has to be some form of forgiving going around, despite the superficiality, and a conscious effort on the part of the forgiver to push away thoughts of the error, and to consciously not bring it up again. Even if it does help your present case.
Bottom line.. i think people forgive but they never forget. Which eventually boils down to not forgiving. You reckon?
6 comments:
So jus dun say u forgive the person if aint never gonna forget? Saves so much trouble and drama doesnt it? Even if the person is gonna keep bugging u bout being sorry. I think its better being openly bitter bout sth den silently harbouring murderous intent?
I go by the rule -->
"Dun forgive, dun forget and move on." Hehe!
Unless... There's something worth saving for.
If there aint nothing honey, just say BYE BYE BYE!
I have to agree with you that people say they forgive but they don't forget. It's funny when something happend and X said "sorry" and Y said "it's ok" then life goes on thinking that it's all over, then when some day some thing happened (nothing to do with the previous incident) and and arguement started, Y will start raking up the past incident, so much of forgiving a person.*laughz* Be it friendship, BGR, Family etc. this happens. y say it's ok when it's not?
MY thought is : If a person says sorry to you and they have done somthing terrible wrong, they usually think that they can get away with it because of SORRY! Is sorry such a powerful word?
The current Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, apologised to the aboriginals for the disrimination and prejudice they faced at the hands of the white Australians. The moment was emotional. All hands, black and white, joined together and wept when they heard the speech. Yes sorry is a powerful word, and yes it is necessary in life to move on.
Very interesting posts and pictures. There are many out there who say that they forgive you but still harbor the anger and animosity. They do not really forgive someone, they just do it for the sake of doing it. In my honest opinion, I do feel that it may not be easy to forgive someone depending on how grave the mistake is. But if you need some form of closure for urself and the person involved, you have have to genuinely accept their forgiveness and try ur best to forget about the issue. And if you don't, you are only making things difficult for yourself. It also depends on the other party on how genuine or sorry they were.
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